Shooty Fruity – A Juicy Career
In the second in-depth dive into the outrageous world of Shooty Fruity, we explain what we require from our melon maiming employees and what they can expect from their ‘career’.
The world is a ludicrous place with genetically mutated fruit rampaging across supermarkets across the globe. As a supermarket employee you’re going where customers fear to tread, fulfilling their needs and demands whilst fending off manically murderous fruit that are determined to stop you. Are you ready to step up to this challenging and varied role?
NOTE: FRUIT SYMPATHISERS NEED NOT APPLY
Key Skills and Experience
- Ability to multitask
- A basic knowledge of guns and explosives desirable but not necessary
- Passionate about service (optional) and not motivated by money (essential)
- Complete as many customer orders as you can
- Scan produce, serve food and other ad hoc supermarket duties
- Regularly attend mandatory shooting lessons
- Cherry-pick your loadout for each situation – it is up to you to protect yourself with sufficient weaponry
- Accurately shoot the fruit like a gun-toting pro – try not to blow your load on the stock
As a multi-tasking member of the Super Mega Mart team, you’ll get to work the following shifts. As you gain experience, more shifts will become available to you. Other roles will be finalised closer to the application deadline.
- Scan the produce
- Deliver produce down the conveyor belt – easy peasy lemon squeezy
- Try not to shoot your own checkout
- Fulfil food orders correctly – do you know your fish from your vegetables?
- Maximise profits and increase demand by serving super-size meals
- Meet customer demand at minimal cost…to the supermarket profit margins
- For the bravest store defenders, work the night shift by completing all your usual tasks in the dead of night with only neon lights to illuminate your succulent foes. The fruit will be harder to spot and harder to shoot but the pay-out will be juicy
Super Mega Mart offers many opportunities for career progression and we encourage all workers to take on more responsibility. In return we provide you with invaluable experience and a sense of pride.
As an adaptive and dynamic multi-national company, we will constantly change your targets for each shift you work and reward high fliers with Stars. If you can meet your new targets and collect more stars, we can offer you even more work!
Your targets will vary from pulping the desired quantity of juice from fruit, correctly fulfilling a set amount of orders and maximising time efficiency. We’ll also expect you to prevent your work station from getting destroyed – we don’t have the budget to keep paying for our employee’s failures. After all, defending the Super Mega Mart against hordes of murderous fruit is just part and parcel of the job!
- Collect juice during your shifts to earn increasingly absurd ballistics and purchase new weapons exclusive to this store
- Improve your performance by unlocking explosive power-ups allowing you to pulverise your enemies and get on with the job
Salary and Contract
- Minimum Wage
- 0-hour contract with no maximum hours (limitless potential!)
- Must be willing to sign liability form
- Start date: 19th December 2017
Bonus Benefits for early applications:
- Explody Bear – An adorable disguise to deliver an explosive hug
- Golden Guns Skin Pack – Look like the badass you wish you were
- X3 Themes – Take your work home with you and learn the faces of your enemy
- X5 Avatars – To kill the fruit you must become the fruit…
Want More Shooty Fruity?
If you haven’t been shown around the staff room yet, be sure to read our blog here and join us next week for a rundown of the absurd weaponry we’ve acquired for our employees.